08 February 2010

From my diary

Few pages from my personal diary which you are permitted to peep. You will be able to connect with the matter if you have anytime taken anyone for granted. Read on..

Every one has a mother, so do I. I am a mother too, of two talented, loving and very deserving children. What differs is that they have made me feel special always which I have never done to my mother. Should I wait for mother's day to think of her? Guess no. All that I need to do is glance at myself at the mirror and there she is...every feature, mannerism resembling her, I am what she was decades ago. I have always been my father's daughter and mother's competitor, failing miserably each time I attempted to stand the pace with her. I still cannot figure out what prevented me from acknowledging her, ego or complex?

All this dawned when she is now struck by Parkinson's disease, confined to wheelchair, her beauty and magnetic charm shrunk and singing skills diminished to mere mumbling. Isn't it time to swap roles and be her mother? Reciprocate all the care I have only received and never given ? Express the fact that I am in no way comparable to her?  I determined to confess. During my recent visit, I gathered all guts and decided to unburden my guilt. As I sat holding her stiff fingers, incoherently struggling for phrases, emotions choking my throat, I once again failed miserably...not a single word came out of me. May be next time, may be never....Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stood to depart and with hers eyes gleaming, she smiled. She won again. I am convinced, if a mother doesn't understand, no one can. 

Note : In case you share similar feelings like mine, make a quick list of those whom you have taken for granted and settle it. May be late,yet its not too late.