24 September 2010

What next ?

I am surprised, I have not even visited my blog page for more than ten weeks, yet there has been regular traffic, messages asking when the next post would be, and the follower number touched 50; this puts a smile on my face- this World is full of innocent victims and I love that !!

While there is no particular reason for me keeping off this page, I need to confess that I am done with the initial phase of  'trying to astonish' ; I have been saying only what I felt like; many liked, few were resentful. Well, quite a few got impressed; husband's colleagues' "WOW" and close friends and relatives'  "IS THIS YOU?" fed my hunger for attention well enough that I comfortably assumed myself a writer. Checking back each day on comments I might get and added followers was satiating; Now, what next?

There are not many things I am good at, one of them being 'constantly impressive' . But I think I am at my best at things like handling people, crisis management, analyzing Situation & Personality and Parenting skills (till date). May be with a mellowed down mentality, I should try to quench the thirst of those who honestly thought I can write.

So, will be back very soon with things I know and NOT with deliberate self-portrayal. Be patient till then.
It may be worth it.
Have a fantastic weekend !!


04 July 2010

To be or not to be....a PERFECTIONIST

If you are a perfectionist like me, then we have something to talk about today; if you are not one, excuse me, get back for my next write-up, today's is not for you.

Those who are still here, congratulations...we are God's best creation, atleast that's what we think about ourselves. Its true , there is no one in this world who can accomplish what we do, right? And proud human beings, who cannot accept anything lesser to perfection, wise,  constantly vigilant, disciplined, we make life easy for others since they have it ready made.

Downside is that we are obsessed, decently hiding OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) under the wrap, never satisfied , often inviting psychosomatic disorders on us for e.g Migraine.

Well, I am not here to discuss this medically, what concerns me of late is that we are not unique as we thought, but in fact the odd ones out. Perceived as hyper critical, meticulous being branded as obsessed, worst thing is we cannot approve our own mistakes , leave alone others tolerating it.

I am surrounded by imperfect species, my loving and lovable ones are happy-go-lucky type. Many of my best friends benefit from my committed, genuine, discerning nature. All said and done, the issue is when I go wrong..imagine me going wrong, while I myself cannot accept that , I have a suspicion that those around me wait desperately for me to err, it starts something like " You too Brutus?" , goes on to victimizing me , deriving immense pleasure from " if you can, why can't we?"  I bet you all have faced similar situation, taken for granted for your perfection,  unemphatically and blatantly dismissed as  inadequate and blemished.

I have thought about it for quite sometime and decided to go against my law; Why are we flawless? Is there any need to be? Afterall , we can also break rules, allow ourselves few pleasures, be one among then majority, more acceptable. Heaven wont fall on Earth if we mess around, or even if it does, who cares? No jewel is made out of pure gold, so ready to get tarnished.

The advantage here is all are pleased, relieved, they don't feel guilty about what they are and we are happy together. Let go, there is definitely fun is being imperfect, enjoy it and most important is when you go wrong others now do not wait to victimize you; instead they are glad to help you out; may be we can get healthier too.

Be a Roman while in Rome !!!!  Let's be perfectly imperfect !!!!!

04 May 2010

He Smiled....

He smiled ; I was shocked, baffled, taken aback,,,, HOW can He smile? How can HE smile? Unbelievable, but He did. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. He continued to smile subtly, gently, distinctly. The place was crowded; my appointment with Him was for less than a minute. Before I began to analyse things, the crowd pushed me out of the Sanctum Sanctorum of Tirupati.

I came out confused; it didn't fit into any rationale. I was far from being fine; may be I was exhausted, may be I was overwhelmed. I just wanted to believe that I imagined.  I never tried to recall that incident though it kept haunting me for the next couple of months. At the end, it crystallized to 2 queries:

                                     1. Why did He smile?

                                     2. Why could I not smile back?

While the first question remains unanswered yet, I throw the second one at you all, my fellow travelers in this journey towards Destiny.

Its immaterial which deity or religion you follow, its also inconsequential whether you are an agnostic or an atheist. Read the He here as your inner conscience, think along with me, what would you do if you were me? Do you have the guts to face yourself ? If you say 'no' the way I do, then I can tell you with conviction that its all very simple. All that we need is to declutter the junk, clear the cobwebs and exterminate the guilt. Its all about leading a meaningful life, to live & let live, to be happy & make others happy, to tolerate, withstand and love. Its time to hatch out of egg to caterpillar, shed the skin to turn into a Pupa and emerge as colourful as a butterfly, fluttering its wings, free, gentle and gorgeous.

Its all about facing the God within you with confidence; the next time He smiles at me , I can smile back.

When I can, you can too.


08 February 2010

From my diary

Few pages from my personal diary which you are permitted to peep. You will be able to connect with the matter if you have anytime taken anyone for granted. Read on..

Every one has a mother, so do I. I am a mother too, of two talented, loving and very deserving children. What differs is that they have made me feel special always which I have never done to my mother. Should I wait for mother's day to think of her? Guess no. All that I need to do is glance at myself at the mirror and there she is...every feature, mannerism resembling her, I am what she was decades ago. I have always been my father's daughter and mother's competitor, failing miserably each time I attempted to stand the pace with her. I still cannot figure out what prevented me from acknowledging her, ego or complex?

All this dawned when she is now struck by Parkinson's disease, confined to wheelchair, her beauty and magnetic charm shrunk and singing skills diminished to mere mumbling. Isn't it time to swap roles and be her mother? Reciprocate all the care I have only received and never given ? Express the fact that I am in no way comparable to her?  I determined to confess. During my recent visit, I gathered all guts and decided to unburden my guilt. As I sat holding her stiff fingers, incoherently struggling for phrases, emotions choking my throat, I once again failed miserably...not a single word came out of me. May be next time, may be never....Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stood to depart and with hers eyes gleaming, she smiled. She won again. I am convinced, if a mother doesn't understand, no one can. 

Note : In case you share similar feelings like mine, make a quick list of those whom you have taken for granted and settle it. May be late,yet its not too late.